SAYING GOODBYE ...MISS YOU ALREADY

It hurts a lot when someone important leaves your life. My mind recollects on the joys, all the laughs, all the fights and the tears. It never really hits me though when they say "I'm leaving." The time doesn't really seem to come...until it does. It is then when my heart drops, my palms get sweaty and my allergies start to kick up(tears). I like to tell them closeness has nothing to do with distance, meaning that we can still stay close no matter how far you go, but even that is hard to grasp as an alternative to seeing them everyday. It is the moments when I am hanging out with the usual crew and that person is not that there that it hits me. It is the moments when I ask if you want to see movie but you can't because you live to far. It is the moments like this when I feel I've been hit by a bus and trampled over by elephants. Its the presence of that person that I long for, that I want to hug and be with. Its the face and their eyes I want to look into but I can't for a while and that hurts. It like a stake stabbing me in the heart, or tearing me into tiny pieces like a unwanted piece of paper. When the day comes of departure my mind races: what didn't I say, what didn't I do? I want to make up any lost of time within the last few moments we have together. And reality is I can't. I can though be thankful that blood couldn't make us any closer and our love will last forever!

PEOPLE WATCHING

I've notice how much I enjoy people watching. It may seems strange and kind of stalker-ish but nonetheless it is highly interesting. You can learn a lot about a person by just watching; not talking to them or acknowledging them, but just watching. As I sit here now in the SCCC library I and look over to the man in the blue shirt I can already infer a lot about of his personality. He keeps a constant gaze over the library. Constantly running to the front desk to confront any questions someone might have. He enjoys his jobs. If I look to my left I see a girl in black shirt sitting at table. Her though I can't really figure her out as she frantically writes with her bright Orange mechanical pencil. People watching is like a game. Watching the intense gaze of others as they proceed to their task. I wonder, what are they thinking, what are they worrying about, who are they? You can tell a lot about a person by just watching. How they walk, how they interact, how they etc. People Watching.

Welcome Back

The week of no school, Holiday cheer, and snow was wonderful! I was able to relax and catch up with my friends and most importantly sleep. I slept in late, watched movies, did a little reading, a tiny bit of homework and enjoyed every moment I could. I ate so much on thanksgiving I thought I was going to burst. I did a little shopping and was able to take a deep breathe from the pressures of school. However, it comes to an end. Tomorrow is school and I will be up at 5:30am following my usual daily routine. As I finally stopped denying that we had school I thought about how much I have to do. I have whole month before the next vacation and a lot can be done and needs to be done. My relaxation period no longer exist. As I open my pink planner for the first time in a week my mind immediately snapped back to its previous mind set. I have to do this, this and this on Monday, Tuesday,  and Wednesday. I have meetings at blah blah and blah and basketball practice following everyday after school. This moment was definitely a WELCOME BACK  school starts tomorrow!

B.F.F

Have you ever meet someone who automatically click with? It's instant like the turning on of a light. It not to often I make close friends. I am not the kind of person who was A WHOLE LOT OF BEST FRIENDS. Best friends actually means something to me, there is substance behind our friendship. Recently I definitely think I've met a new best friend. It wasn't at first sight that I knew or thought about it. As we got to know each other we saw how different we were but at the same time we had a lot in common. The more we hung out the closer we became, and our friendship grew. It's funny how you can meet someone not to long ago but feel like you've known them forever. It's a feeling of insanity to some extent but it can also be a feeling well embraced. There were moments when this new friendship was questionable but at the end of the day we knew, that now that we met, I couldn't live without her and she couldn't live without me.

LIFE WITHOUT MY SUPPORT SYSTEM = NO LIFE AT ALL

It hard to imagine my life without my family and my friends. I would be lonely, quiet and distant from the world if I didn't have them. I enjoy spending time with the people I love most. Laughing, crying and even arguing all help me get by day after day. The constant " I love yous" and " I'm here for you" put a smile on my face. Being surround by my family and friends makes my heart beat fast with excitement and joy. Without them I'm not sure, no I am positive I wouldn't be the joyous person I am today. I call them my "personal support system" because they provide me with support: school, life, etc. I know I am extremely lucky to have them. And yes sometimes I take advantage of them but nonetheless I love them and glad they are in my life, because I know without them life would be unbearable, brutal and lonely.  Life without my support system is equivalent to no life at all.

Fast Food

I have a deep hate for fast food. Every time I think about the greasy burgers, the salty fries and frozen chicken patties I feel myself gag, literally. Fast food angers me. Every time I smell it and see it there is a deep roar in the pit of my stomach and fast beating of my heart. I didn't use to always feel this way. There was a time in my life where I enjoyed fast food. I lived moments when Mc Donalds and Taco Bell were my number one dinner choices. But as I grew older and my family became health consciouses and stopped eating fast food for  a month, the bite of the Big Mac was never the same. I am now addicted to home cooked meals, real meat, and fresh products. I am proud to say my body feels great and I am healthier than ever, and definitely happier. I have made exception though, to sub way and Wendy's "frosties". Every girl has a weakness. All in all, my deep hate for fast food is one of the best hates I will ever have.

Wonderful Fridays

It's wonderful because today is Friday! The word Friday eases my mind and when Friday finally approaches my body eases as well. I am looking forward to being able to sleep in, to do homework with no rush and enjoy myself at home or with my friends. Despite the Thursday we had off this week I am ecstatic for the Friday that is here today. I do enjoy school and being busy but there is nothing much that compares to being not busy and choosing what it is I want to do with every moment. My weekends are not ruled by schedules or meetings. My weekends are for me and that is exactly what I use them for. Today is wonderful because it's Friday. After Friday comes Saturday and after Saturday comes Sunday and that means I get to sleep in a spend time doing exactly what I want to do. Not necessarily what I have to do. Friday's are truly wonderful.

SEASONS

Fall is beautiful. The leaves fall and the burnt orange, red and yellows mix with the beauty of the surrounding atmosphere my heart drops and I inhale a deep breath. The trees become bare but the ground becomes full. When the sun shines but your breath still shows in the air it's a feeling that tends to cause my body to shiver.
Winter is beautiful. The snow covers the ground and prevents daily desires. It forces us to sit and be still or to bask in the nature that surrounds us. Winter is the time for hats and mittens, snow boots and hot chocolate. As winter approaches my body shivers as it does in the fall.
Spring is beautiful. The flowers bloom and the color of the earth returns. The warmth begins to creep into our homes and a layer of jackets gets removed. Spring brings the smell of warm rain . Spring brings the feeling of cozy insides.Spring makes my body shiver as does fall and winter.
Summer is beautiful. Summer brings the heat that allow us to feel accomplished. For many summer is a break from what they have been doing all year. Summer brings outdoor activities, sun and tans. Summer warms the earth and makes my body shiver as do fall, winter, and spring.

Today is Today, Not Yesterday

The only way I could mess up today would be by doing the same things I did yesterday. Everyday is a new day so I have to continue to remember that. Yesterday doesn't matter today because it was yesterday. If I live everyday as though it is brand new, I could accomplish so much more. Yesterdays spills, mistakes, and disappointments belong to yesterday for a reason and I should make reason to bring them into today. God gives me a new day on purpose and the only way I could mess that up is by doing the same things I did yesterday today. Yesterday is yesterday and today is today. I choose not to spread the germs and infestations of yesterday into this new pure white day ahead of me. I choose not to only not bring yesterday but neither the day before yesterday or the month before last into today. I will live every moment to the fullest realizing I have another chance to be better than the moment before. The only way I could mess up today is by doing the same things I did yesterday.

Poem !

I didn't think it would happen, but it did.
At first glance I wasn't sure, but I second glance I was for-sure you
You would be mine
Your face mirrored mine, same smile and lilted eyes
My hearts drops at every hug, my stomach flutters at every touch
I know it's cliche but I know I must say, I never thought I could feel this way.

JUST KEEP GOING

Lately I know I have been over working myself. I have been fitting absolutely everything I can within the 24 hour window given to me each day. Between workouts, meetings, school, family, personal time,eating,sleeping and friends I have definitely drained myself. I just haven't been able to say no. I guess it's because I think I am superwoman and I can save the world. I can't say though that I haven't been pulling it off but I think I've reached my breaking point. I haven't been using my weekends for rest but for staying out all hours of the night and hanging out. And then Sunday cram in about 3-6 hours of homework. During the week because I choose to workout no matter what I've been getting home late and been up till 11 almost 12 finishing things to get ready for the next day. I was pulling it off for the last four weeks about, but now I feel myself getting sick and overall tired. I hate having to pick and choose things but I think I have to. I have to cut out things that aren't necessary. Will I actually do it? Maybe just till I get better. This is one thing that I don't tend to live and learn about. I plan to do everything I can all the time. I would think I would learn by now that stress on my mind and body is not okay. But I haven't, maybe one day I will but as of now, I rather just keep going (as long as I can).

TOO OLD FOR TRICK-OR-TREATING?

How old is to old to go trick-or-treating? It's been all over the news, it was a article in my school newspaper and it pondered in my mind as I thought about Halloween this year. I am 16 years old and I still love candy. It's not fair to put a cap on the age on which your allowed to walk around and get free candy. I get a thrill off of dressing up and being silly. I still am a kid, well kind of. I was surprised when I saw in a city in IL set a certain age limit to trick-or-treating. I do understand that you don't want that 40 year old man with the weird hat and awkward posture to snatch up your kids or their bags of candy. So maybe a cap on trick-or-treating should be implemented but maybe like 18. After high school maybe my urge for free candy will lessen? So I am willing to compromise at 18 I will no longer go trick-or-treating.  But that just means I am going to have to fill up six pillows case of candy instead of three between now and when I turn 18. I like challenges! ;-)

GOODBYE GIVING UP

I don't understand the mentality of giving up. The whole throw in the towel thing doesn't really work for me. It may be because I have to much pride. That must be it. Every time giving up or going easy crosses my path I kick out the way like a putter would a soccer ball. When you give up you get nothing in return. So that all that you did put in was a waste of time. I think every time I give up on something I bring myself down; subconsciously. Something in my mind sticks that I didn't finish a task or marked myself as handicap to the task. I don't see why you want to give up, or what feels good about it. I can't stand the word GIVE UP honestly. My fingers cramp every time I type it, except when it's in the sentence GOODBYE GIVING UP!

THE BOXCAR CHILDREN

I fell in love with reading when I read The Boxcar Children. I was eight years old when I first picked up the yellow covered booked and with the red letters. I wasn't sure about it at first but I grabbed it anyway. I remember the first time I read the book, right off the back I loved it. Although it was more than that, I fell in love with reading in general. I feel in love with the feeling of being apart of another world that I  could enter and exit at my own disgretion. There is so much to this idea of reading that I want to share and why I fell in love with it but I am saving that detail for my cause and effect essay !

5:30 IN THE MORNING

The best time of the day is 5:30 in the morning. You may be thinking "umm...no, that's the worst!" Just think about it what happens at 5:30 in the morning? Absolutely nothing! I love 5:30 in the morning because it's peaceful. At 5:30 in the morning no one in my house is awake. The sound of silence surrounds me and I am able to spend time with me, all alone. I don't have to worry about my prayer time being interrupted or my younger siblings barging in my room uninvited. At 5:30 the sky is still dark, the outside is calm and I feel renewed. At 5:30am there is nothing to stress about, there is no one trying to get my attention. At 5:30am it's just me, myself, God and I. I love that time of the day because it gives me my strength before I have to endure a long and demanding evening. 5:30 am is my time for me.

Seattle

Seattle. I am not sure if it is the clouds or the rain that make me so drowsy. I've lived in Seattle for a while, almost  my whole life. But when I was younger I never really noticed how effective the weather can be towards how I feel everyday. Waking up to the overcast, the chilly wind and the pouring rain is not a formula for the usually happy, springing and exciting person that I usually am. The weather can just be so draining at times. Many days I would love to just put on my warm socks, curl up in bed with a cup of hot coco and do nothing. Have you waken up and looked outside to the gray motionless atmosphere? In all it can just be depressing. I am a sun lover, a palm tree, beach and hot days lover. As beautiful as Seattle can be at times I could still use a little more sunshine! But Oh, well...I can make the best of it !

My Righteous Mind

I have deep down desire for working out in general. When I don't workout I am cranky, unsatisfied, and rude. Working out is like a drug for me. It allows me to sleep better, eat better and overall just feel better. Working out for me is definitely my stress reliever, it helps me to keep my righteous mind throughout the week. After I work out I feel fresh and accomplished. I love the pain in working out, the relief after the workout and the muscle gain a few days later. I have to have working out apart of my life. In many ways it makes me who I am. Maybe it's just my competitive spirit talking but I truly do believe that I am in LOVE with working out. I wouldn't have it any other way!

TIME

I really feel like lately time is moving extremely fast. I wake up, go to school, work out, go home, homework, dinner and curve out. Only to wake up the next day and do the same thing again. I hardly remember what happen the day before because my mind is so worried about what I have to do tomorrow. With school, friends and sports my day is filled and I haven't even mentioned trying to take time out for myself. Sometimes I sit still in my bed late night trying to soak in the day, trying to soak in the moment of peace I have before I fall asleep. I turn everything off, open my curtains to my balcony and let the dark peaceful sky lull me to sleep. It's really the only time that the day seems to move slow, that I can actually feel and here every heart beat of mine. It's the only time of the day where my mind truly gets to rest and my muscles get to relax. Every other moment in the day is hectic, moving swiftly as if someone is pushing the fast forward button on the remote. I really feel like lately time is moving extremely fast.

Secrets

I have secretly always wanted to be a ballerina. I have been craving the pink tights, the pink skirt and the pink shoes since I've first laid eyes on them. I always wanted to jump in the air countless times and be caught my handsome boy bellow. I haven't really persuade my secret passion though. I don't know why though; maybe because playing basketball it always felt like such a strong contrast. I will take classes though one day, and reveal my secret passion for being a ballerina. I will continue to dream about it at night and in the day time! I have always secretly wanted to be a ballerina.

My Little Pink Planner

"I can't help it is just the way I am,"I often here myself saying. Although I know what I am is not a bad thing. It has gotten me to where I am now. Without this habit or this urge to continue this habit my life might just fall apart. I would become over-whelmed, and  maybe even often times lost.
I am a over achiever, a nerd, a square bear, when it comes to organizing things. I have to have everything written down in my little pink planner if I ever so wish to accomplish a task. Without my planner I would be forgetful, clumsy and my life would come crashing down like the twin towers did on 9/11.
I write absolutely everything down. Not only homework assignments or meetings dates. I go as far as writting down when I should start asking my mom about a certain event with friends or birthdays I want to remember. I tell you, without this planner, this little pink, paper dated planner, I would lose my mind almost literally.
My days are always full and I am more often busy then not busy. ASB meetings, Inner high Meetings, an extra basketball practice, meet with my teacher, interview a student for the newspaper, check on the kids I tutor etc, it never ends. I feel like when I write things down it's a burden lifted off my shoulder to not have to remember it. I am then allowed to clear my mind and but only so that I have place to put something else; like possibly the realization that I am hungry and it's lunch time or that it's late at night and I should probably get some rest!
With hectics weeks and demanding weekends my little pink planner makes it that much easier to live my life.

HARD MONDAYS

For some reason Mondays are always the hardest day of the week. Mondays are the mornings my body rolls out of bed and my feet almost slip from the floor. Mondays are painful to wake to, get dress to and function in. As I walk into school my body still feels asleep, my eyes are red and nothing in brain is active. As I take my seat in class my hands automatically fold on the desk in front of me and my head drops. Mondays are brutal and they come once a week, every week and they won't stop coming. Is there a cure for hard Mondays? I think this is one infection that is incurable. If I am wrong let me know and slip whatever you got. Please. Mondays are the hardest day of he week because you just came off a sleep in, errand running, partying, stay up late weekend.

 Have you ever seen a high school MTV reality show? One when the high schools are thousands of kids deep? Where the leadership is impressive, the sports teams are on top, and everybody paints their face for the football games? I can tell you straight up my high school is nothing like that. We are 600 kids deep, the leadership can be sketchy and the sports teams are usually on the bottom, and painting faces for football games? We don't even have fans.
 I spent 3 days and 2 nights in Bothell at a leadership conference. All the Associate Student Body leaders were there, the class presidents were there as well as the leadership teams.Everyone was decked out in their schools colors, ready to share ideas to have fun and get you excited about being a leader in your school. As soon as I stepped off the bus I felt the school spirit from every direction. I was excited. I had never been apart of something like this.Kids were screaming cheers, dancing to the music and proud to be apart which ever school they were coming from!
While my time in Bothell I listened to speakers that motivated the hell out of me, received ideas on how to improve my school as a whole and enjoyed a new surrounding of people. It felt almost unreal, that I was apart of this huge production that was a delegate at the WASC(Washington Associate Student Council) conference. I was chosen to be sent out so I could come back and bring some of that thousand kids deep spirit to my tiny 600 kids deep school. I took advantage of every moment, scribbling down notes, taking business cards, making friends and taking it all in. Taking in what a high school should really be like.
My school had sent only 4 people while other schools sent fourteen it was a little disappointing to be a represented in small numbers. Although, WASC is every year and next year no doubt were rolling deep, And this year I am ready to make a change! STARTING WITH THE FACE PAINTING AND FANS AT OUR FOOTBALL GAMES!

Thinking Your Way to Your Destiny

"What you think, is what you say, what you say is what you do, what you do is who you are, who you are is your destiny, so everyday think your way to destiny!" I love that quote because it makes me think how powerful my mind is. Not only in the sense of education, but in the sense of living everyday. It all starts in my head, how good I will allow my day to be, how much I'll take away from the teacher in class and how hard I'll choose to work in everything I do. I am who I think I am. All I have to do is think of what I want to be and that's who I am. Simple right? So why ever think negative? Why ever think less instead of more? Why ever think I can't when I can. I commit to myself to always think towards what it is I want in life, I commit to myself to always think my way to destiny.

GOOD

There is something about it that makes it good. Something about it makes it that satisfactory, superb, outstanding, good. Maybe it's how hard it is sometimes, or how it all just makes since. Every time I engage in it my mind is cleared, I become lost and completely smitten by it. Take it away and I'll cry like a new born baby. Take it away and I will slowly start heading into a downward spiral. Give it to me and I'll smile my greatest smile. Give it to me and I'll give back to it absolutely everything that I can, and even then I'll rest up and go give it more. I am addicted to it I admit it, or maybe I don't want to admit it because  they say the first step to curing an addiction is to admit to it. I don't want to be cured. I want to be under the spell of this forever. I'll hold on for as long as I can which will be FOREVER because I will never let it go. I love the game of basketball, there is just something about it that makes it good.  Something about it makes it that satisfactory,superb,outstanding,good.

The Heart Beneath the Face

Beneath the clothes, the makeup, the skin is a heart. Beneath every person's outer appearance is a inner appearance, one they choose to revel it or not; it's up to them.  Yet, at one point every heart comes from beneath the face to the surface. You can only hid who you really are for so long before it begins to overflow like a over poured glass of milk. Leaking on the surfaces around it effecting everything. Beneath every person's outer appearance is the real them if it doesn't already lay on top. The them that produces tears when laying in bed alone, the them that smiles when the sun shines, the them that prays when life gets hard.You can relate to this too "don't judge a book by it's cover," but I wouldn't. In its simplest form it's the same but in it's most complicated explanation it is not.